rmt

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reading everyday
writing somtimes too

say hello and see if i'm in

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i think everything would be ok if only i could afford to live here

http://nashville.craigslist.org/apa/150868881.html

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i'm going to try to break my habit of writing only when something bad happens or i'm listing ebay auctions.
that's no way to live!

today we started the last season of six feet under!!

i made enchiladas out of leftovers for dinner
and hummus for lunches this week
we had cinnamon toast for breakfast
for dessert, raspberry sorbet with peppridge farm mint brussells, my new favorites that i suspect are the result of one of those happy baking accidents
oh and a really good half a pink grapefruit because i took my last antibiotic today
they mess with arithromicin did you know?

i packed up ebay stuffs that'r about to end
there are a couple of crazy ladies bidding on 80's dresses yay!
ebay has been going well so i got all enthusiastic and went thrifting last week
and didn't find anything to sell, kind of a bummer
i was hoping i could keep my stride going oh well that means i have to make stuff instead better!
but i found a few things for me at least!
a couple of pink flowered handtowels
and some little flats to dye black and a military/asian made in japan jacket
i've noticed i often have luck finding things for an opposite season
and i pretty much like any clothing made in japan

it has been thundering and raining on and off since this morning
which makes our dogs crazy
i had to lock yoko in the bathroom with me while i showered so she wouldn't rush my bed
sometimes i feel bad my dogs aren't bed dogs
they are one couch dogs (the shitty one)
which we are getting a nice wipe off vinyl cover for finally this week, i can't wait
i finally gave up emergency searching for the perfect 60's boxy vinyl and got one of those awful black futons as a temporary disposable stand in till we find a nice keeper

what else can i blather on about hmm?

i also went antique mall shopping last week!
i met a local newscaster who wears vintage!
i don't know that's cool for some reason
they all look like generic republican beauty pageant ladies to me but she's quirky!
she says when she finds skirts to small she switches the waist to elastic!
and i found a couple of dessert plates to add to my collection
although maybe they are bread plates really?
they are all around six inches
and i found a vintage blue and white gingham suit
and a blender but i didn't get it because i have one

i'm still trying not to think about my beloved scarf
or maybe i'm not trying not to at all
i can't wait to quit without notice for payback
my current fantasy that is maybe more like setting an intention in order to make it so
because see i did happen talk to an old friend about a potential job in the hopefully not too distant future
yep i did and because of a scarf
well and working nights
to console myself i tried looking around picturing something else i would have chosen to keep if i had to get rid of that or the scarf
the thing is, i think it's the first thing i've lost that i miss the touch of it rather than the sight of it so the loss is more intimate feeling
maybe i'm a little bit of a freak about this but oh well i am what i am

i have to think of a business name for etsy right now!
so i can buy a cute little wallet
and sell some necklaces too
i think i'm going with something generic so i can change it later

my journal is about buying/selling/food/food job woes/depression/pretty pictures sometimes.
ok!

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one day last week at the house next door

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tonight there's a 40% chance of snow
i keep thinking i'm colder than i should be but it's actually pretty
cold
i'm really very upset about my scarf disappearing from work
really upset like i can't stop thinking about it and where it might be in some dump somewhere
it's been through alot with me and it was really big and cozy and perfect ribby woven cotton
and now it's gone after 8 years
it was my blankie!
i don't even have a picture
i want to get another job
people that throw away or take coworker's stuff are fucked up

and i'm still sick after two weeks and sleep deprived and generally discombobulated
obsessing over all the important things i've lost and all the people that turned out to be jerks
and not sleeping and feeling crappy and feeling needy and lonely
i keep telling myself it will pass it's just my immunity is low


today was just wierd
i'm at work and this random construction guy tells me i look like somebody and then later from across the room asks if i'm single
which was oddly kind of cute
but god i'm sickly and pale and miserable does he need glasses or something??
i don't know

and then i went to the clinic to see if i have strep or something and the doctor thinks i'm pregnant
i skipped my last period i think because of stress
and that is saying something serious for me not to be worried
i never skip but i knew the math so i wasn't worried at all i mean it would have been immaculate for real
but i guess you never know so i let her give me a pee test and sat with that and all that entails for a bit
today is the first day i ever took a pregnancy test that came out negative
that is something to remember


so i decided to take the antibiotics because did you know sinus infections can be fatal if left untreated?
"If a person experiences mild personality changes, headache, altered consciousness, visual problems, or seizures, infection may have spread to the brain. Coma and even death may follow."
no seizures yet, thank goodness i caught it it time yeah?

so we're finaly back together you know wink wink too you know?
and then i get sick and now i'm on antibiotics and plus the pregnancy scare to freak me out which means i'm out of luck for another three weeks or so, lovely
maybe he'll get sick to and we can tack another month on


i need to go think about bunnies or something
isn't that a pretty tree up there?
if it wasn't dark i could pull my curtain open and see it right now
i need a hug

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i stopped writing in my journal every day of 2006 back in january
i always wish i'd writtin more but it piles up and that can be overwhelming too
i will start again i think but no rules

ebay people why don't you paypal me already???
do i wait this long?

i'm sick
the more medicine i take to feel better the worse i feel in some other way
or maybe it was all the ice cream

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01. Describe a dish you cook (your favorite).

asparagus and portobellos and sundried tomatoes over polenta with creamy non creamy sauce
which doesn't sound very good right now, probably because of all the ice cream

02. Describe a memory of a rainy day.

today it rained alot without thunder and the dogs didn't want to go outside to pee and i drove 30 minutes to have chain restaurant lunch with my mother and i have a cold
this was yesterday but it's raining today too

03. What is your favorite article of clothing?

a thrifted black button down blouse with tiny red and yellow and green flowers that's fitted with subtle puffed sleeves and smocking at the shoulder that makes marc jacobs whimper with insecurity

04. Describe the last dream you remember.

the night before last? last night?
russell and i were walking walking walking across some country but it was kind of like a map, weird

05. Describe a memory triggered by a smell (and specify smell).

i smelled my steering wheel yesterday and it was raining and it made me wish i was on a car trip and someone else was driving and i was sleeping in the back seat

06. Do you think being interrupted or being ignored is worse?

ignored! i do alot of interrupting oops!

07. How many times in one week do you brush your teeth?

14ish? maybe three times a day though but don't ask me about flossing

08. If you renamed yourself when you were ten, what would your name be today?

celia

09. Say you designed your own house. How many floors does it have? What's in the back yard? What are the floors like in the bedroom? What are the walls like in the bathroom? What rooms other than a living, dining, kitchen, bath, and bedroom are there, if any? What material is the exterior?

i'm too tired to answer this question fully
i would like a screened in porch and lots of trees

10. Do you prefer potato or corn chips?

salt and vinegar potato chips are my favorite but i like corn chips with guacamole or salsa

11. Describe your bedroom as it was when you were 12.

i shared one at my mom's and one at my dad's with my sister and they were small and i had stuffed animals and sticker collections and we had antique beds my mother picked out and ugly canopy beds my sister and i picked out

12. Do you collect anything? What?

vintage clothes and jewelry and purses are the main ones
also vintage children's books and stickers and fabric and random things that catch my eye

13. Does money bring much stress into your life?

yes it does, more so when i'm working less and always that i'm not saving money

14. Describe your favorite place and/or time to be alone.

in the shower

15. What do you do with your friends? How often do you get together with them in an average week or two?

i'm in transitional period
barely at all

16. Do you like dark restaurants?

as long as i can read the menu i'm good

17. Do you have a comfort food? What is it?

this week it's been breyer's cookies and cream ice cream but typing that out right now makes me a little queasy
time to move on

18. Are there any movies, bands, etc, that you like simply because it is nostalgic? Something you think is cheesy/silly/stupid/low quality/boring/just plain bad, but you can't help but like it? Please specify.

old barry manilow songs

19. Do you have any desire to go to Ireland? How about Tokyo? The Fiji Islands? Nepal? Cairo? Moscow? Buenos Aires? New Orleans? Juneau?

i would like to go anywhere the free plane tickets will take me
but i really need to go visit my sister

20. Are you happy with your life as it is right now? Are you happy with where you're taking your life? Are you confident about where you're taking your life?

this week i wish i had more creative input at work
and i wish the scarf i left there wasn't thrown away
and they'd pay for part of my health insurance

21. How do you take your coffee? Tea?

i like many different teas without sugar unless it's ginger lemon and honey tea or sometimes i crave tea with lemonade

22. What would you put on your sandwich?

thin red and yellow peppers and onions and feta marinated in olive oil and vinegar and garlic
with some boston bibb lettuce and hummus

23. Do you pick a certain day or time of day to treat yourself particularly well? What do you do? Do you set aside a certain amount of money for you to spend on anything you feel like? What kinds of things do you buy?

sometimes when i'm trying to feel better and sometimes when i feel good already or sometimes when i'm deluding myself
i spoiled myself with some khiel's products last month
or sometimes it's a couple of nice magazines or a book or cd
or something small and handmade online
or some good cheese and bread

24. What do you like to do on rainy days? Do they even stand out to you?

lay around and read or watch a movie or just lay around and sit with my dogs and listen to it or sometimes i like to run errands when it rains

25. Ask a question about automechanics.

will i be able to drive my volvo wagon forever?

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crap
what am i doing?
i'm hungry and my head hurts from must and there's too much stuff in my house again and i want him home now so i can sleep

estate sales kind of freak me out a little
it took several hours to set in this time but now i'm thinking about dying and everything that's left and where does it all go and isn't is wierd how so much of life is left but it's not the same

russell is in his grandmother's house now
she and her husband built it
the family is going to sell it and they wonder if someone will choose to tear it down

my mother still lives in the house where she was born
it will be hard to see it go

i think alot about what will be left of me and where it will end up
and what to send off and to who as i go

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how many of you are glad you aren't pregnant in south dakota this year?
i'm sick.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/68538


help here please
http://prochoiceaction.org/campaign/gov_noabortionbans_0306_newrepub/forward
http://www.saveroe.com/southdakota
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/pp2/portal/getinvolved/takeaction/

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sunday i bought jeans and facial products because maybe i don't need deposit money right now

yesterday i segregated drawers and closets to give him space or to make packing easier

today i didn't go see an available apartment

tomorrow he's going to stay with his father's family for a few days for his grandmother's funeral

now i'm going to eat my dinner

later i will pet my dogs and take shower and he will get home and we will talk some

then i'll go to bed alone even if i'm sad and maybe i'll get up a little earlier than i have been because i'll have slept better after exerxising for 30 minutes the second day in a row

taking care of myself is something to do

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