Jan. 13th, 2007

rmt: (Default)
.

sometimes i find myself speaking words i don't intend in order to entertain or connect or flatter in some way
and sometimes i find myself speaking words i don't intend in order to protect or defend myself or to lash out in blind frustration
i wish i could take them all back
i hope the former are forgotten and the latter are forgiven

.

i worry about getting fired
i also daydream about quitting
and then i have a good day
today was all three
i wonder about tomorrow

.

i'm still writing in my journal but i'm a day behind
i'm writing in pencil so i don't get as embarassed
this way whatever i've written doesn't jump off the page back into my head quite so violently
and i can erase
i hate crossing stuff out and making a mess

.

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rmt

February 2011

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